London to Edinburgh: Nightmare or Joke?

Recently I had some business matters to attend to in London. I then did some sightseeing with my wife in Edinburgh before moving to Germany for a few days to visit friends.

Rail rip-off
The fun started before we left home. Thinking it would be easier to book train tickets from London to Edinburgh directly with my sterling credit card rather than asking my travel agent in Japan to do it, I applied through the internet with a firm called Rail Ninja. That should have put me off, since Ninjas were highly trained warriors in feudal Japan who could silently creep up and decapitate you before you knew what had happened. The price they quoted for two first-class tickets was £500. Not knowing what to expect, although this seemed a bit steep, I went ahead. A few minutes later the electronic tickets arrived, but the price, printed at the bottom of each ticket, was £125.81. In other words, they had charged double the price of the ticket! I contacted them immediately. Why had they charged double? Their lame excuse was that in addition to the price of the ticket, they charged for issuing the ticket, and tax, and credit card fees, etc. This is probably illegal. They can’t charge extra for using a credit card and tax (VAT) is not applicable to train fares. I contacted them again saying I wanted to cancel the tickets. Certainly, and they would refund my payment – except for cancellation fee of £130. What a rip-off! Then I had some more fun with the credit card company, through my bank. I wanted to cancel the transaction. They refused to do this, but as a gesture of goodwill offered me compensation of £130. Same difference, so I accepted. Then I re-booked through my Japanese travel agent. This cost £355 for two first-class tickets (at then current exchange rate). I should have done this in the first place.

Shinkansen it’s not
En route from London to Edinburgh we arrived at King’s Cross Station by taxi from our hotel, with half-an-hour to spare. Station crowded. Where to go? Then I spotted an information booth. At my approach the man at the desk smiled and said, ‘Good morning, sir. How can I help you?’ Except it didn’t quite go like that. I approached the desk and said to the man sitting behind it, ‘Excuse me. Sorry to bother you, but could you please tell me which platform the 11:30 to Edinburgh leaves from?’ Man turned slightly towards me and said, ‘You’re way too early. Come back fifteen minutes before departure and you can see the number on the board.’

Then we struggled with our suitcases in a lift up to the floor above to the so-called first-class lounge. Very crowded with nowhere to sit except at the end of the space where we luckily found two high chairs at a counter as in a bar. Then the reason for the crowding became apparent: free drinks and snacks! But these looked so unappetising we didn’t bother. Nearer the departure time we struggled down again through the crowds and the indicator board showed Platform 4, wither we went. No staff to assist us but we managed to find the right carriage. Next problem: where to put our suitcases? The was a small luggage rack at the end of the carriage, already full of luggage. What to do? Fortunately, a helpful fellow passenger showed us how to put our suitcases in the gap between two seats facing in opposite directions.

Finally, we could sit down and relax. Except that the seats had been designed so that they fitted in the opposite way to the shape of the human spine, being concave all the way down. There was a head-rest that pushed your head forward, increasing the discomfort. Of course, there was no clean cloth or paper cover for this object. However, I discovered it could be removed and used as a lumbar support. Absurd that one should have to do this. Then, another perk of the first-class service: more free snacks! Except they all looked so unappetising that, once again, we didn’t bother. Why not have a proper restaurant car or snack-bar where you can buy better quality food?

Another irritation was the written announcement in moving letters at the end of the carriage. ‘If you see anything that doesn’t look right, call the British Transport Police [on Text Number so-and-so].’ That’s fine as far as it goes, but then they have to add, ‘See it. Say it. Sorted.’ What is unnecessary childish jingle supposed to mean?

To add insult to injury, the train had a name after the fashion of the real Shinkansen in Japan, which was ‘Azuma’. This means ‘east’ in Japanese, among other meanings. Pointless and misleading.

Hotel disappointment
We had arranged to stay at the Virgin Hotels [sic] in Edinburgh, though mercifully there’s only one of them, having booked a ‘King Castle View’ room. I took this to mean that there would be a king-size bed, as I requested, with a view of Edinburgh Castle. We were, therefore, disappointed to be shown a small room with a queen-size sofa-bed, with only one chair, and the view was of ugly scaffolding on the opposite side of the road, and not a glimpse of the Castle. Back to reception. They had a suite we could have instead, but there would be surcharge. Why? It should be the same price. They were unmoved, but agreed to reduce the surcharge a little. All right. The suite was in part of the building which was a converted church. Much more spacious. But there was no door between the bedroom/living area and the bathroom. Not ideal. But that was a minor complaint compared to what happened later. We were preparing to go to bed, when suddenly a horrible row started. This was loud mew-sick, with an insufferable bonk-bonk-bonk percussion noise. Called reception. There was a wedding party and the noise would continue only till midnight. Out previous room was no longer available so we put up with the noise and, mercifully, at midnight, cease it did.

I think they should not host an event such as this which may disturb guests in nearby rooms. At least at check-out they made a small reduction in the total bill in compensation.

All this was bad enough but there was another, admittedly minor, disappointment. I am a bookish man and was looking forward to browsing the library which was shown invitingly, but misleadingly, in the illustrations for the hotel. The library was only for show, since the books were on shelves from about two metres from the floor extending to the ceiling, thus making them impossible to browse unless you used a ladder (not provided).

On my return to Japan, I complained to the General Manager by email, saying I thought they should reduce the price of the suite to that of the room I had originally booked. Two weeks later, what was the reply? Not a sausage.

Nightmare or joke, part two
After spending a pleasant couple of days exploring Edinburgh Castle, the old town, and the museum we set off for the next leg of our journey, to Dusseldorf by air, using an outfit called Euro Wings. Taxi to Edinburgh Airport, and then we found the place to check-in. These was designated as desk numbers 116-121. We selected the least crowded line and after about ten minutes were at the head of the queue. ‘Sorry, wrong place. You need to be at desk number 118,’ we were helpfully informed. There must have been about 100 people in this line but seeing no alternative we just had to wait, and after about forty minutes were at the check-in place. We lifted our suitcases onto the weighing scales, but then, instead of the system you find in a normal airport where your luggage passes onto a conveyor belt to reappear, one hopes, at the destination, we were instructed to place our heavy suitcases ourselves onto a conveyor belt behind the check-in desk. This involved heaving the suitcases up to about table height – not easy for an elderly passenger or a woman.

Next problem: where was the boarding gate? Our tickets showed Gate 1F [sic]. Fine, but where was it? There were only signs to Gates 1–4. Gate 1F might have been at the other end of the airport for all we knew, and there was no one to ask. We continued hopefully to Gates 1-4. Yes, there it was: Gate 1F! Could this not have been indicated for passengers unfamiliar with the airport? Evidently not.

Another word, also beginning with F, occurred to me to express my view of this wonderfully passenger-friendly system at Edinburgh Airport, but delicacy forbids me to mention it.

Text © Gabriel Symonds